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Playing the Piano by Ana

At one point in elementary school, I decided I wanted to learn how to play the piano. Not because I was particularly gifted or anything. I wasn‘t really fascinated by music either. The reason I started playing the piano was because my sister played an instrument and if your siblings do something, you probably wanna do it too. I’m going to be honest with you; The piano and I had a very complicated relationship. During the first year I couldn’t get enough, but after the initial euphoria, I lost my motivation to practice. I hated that instrument. It didn‘t give me any joy, only frustration. I know, I know. It doesn’t sound like playing an Instrument is something I could ever enjoy. Then why am I writing this essay about my former enemy of black and white keys? I’ll come to it in a minute

I often struggle with my emotions. Imagine a wool ball made out of black and white wool. That’s how my emotions can feel like for me.The individual threads symbolize my different emotions but because they're so tightly together it's hard for me to differentiate which ones are positive and which ones are negative. It‘s especially difficult with very strong emotions, both positive and negative. I often can’t tell whether it’s a very good feeling or a bad feeling. My instinct therefore tells me to run away from whatever triggers this feeling as quickly as possible or, more often, to suppress the strong feelings. I am usually a very bubbly and open person, but when it comes to deeper relationships and experiences I get very quiet and sometimes even isolate myself. The problem with this is that I’m also a very emotional person. I have a lot of feelings. But I fail at putting them into words.. Sometimes it’s just too much. What does my inner chaos have to do with the piano?

Victor Hugo once said: “Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. " The piano and me, we only became friends again when it was no longer about learning technical subtleties and key notes, but rather about giving the music a character and putting a piece of myself into it. I don’t know anything about music theory. I can’t analyze and disassemble pieces, let alone place them in a certain category, because it simply doesn’t interest me. But something I am very good at is feeling the music

During a music class in high school, our music teacher asked us: What is music? Think about it. The question is harder to answer than it seems. Then he showed us 4’33 from John Cage. In the piece, Cage sits in front of the piano, starts and stops a clock several times, but doesn‘t play a single note. He asked us again. Is that music? I understand what he wanted to show us, but I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t what I think of when I imagine music. I’m not saying that silence can’t be music. Claude Debussy said “Music is the space between the notes. ”and I agree. I think music lives from the change between silence and sound, but what I missed with 4’33”” were the feelings. When I listen to music, I feel the emotions which are being woven between the individual notes. I hear all the things that can’t be said but on which it is impossible to be silent.

Music accompanies us all our lives. Babies listen to lullabies as it calms them down. Children sing songs to escape boredom. Teenagers rebel through music. Football fans carol in the stadium to express togetherness and pride. Music has a great meaning and it always carries emotions with it

The oldest musical instrument found so far is about 40,000 years old. The Divje Babe or Neanderthal flute was discovered in 1995 at the Divje Babe archeological park located near Cerkno in northwestern Slovenia. It is made from the left thigh bone of a cave bear and has four pierced holes in it. The found piece is only about 11 cm long and is broken at both ends. There are different hypothesis whether the found bone had been used as an instrument or had served a different purpose. Because of it's hole spacing and alignment the 40,000 years old artifact has been labeled "Neanderthal flute" and is displayed at the National Museum of Slovenia in Ljubljana as such. Most anthropologists and evolutionary psychologists agree that music has long been part of the everyday life of man and his ancestors even before the use of instruments. We do not know why humans have acquired musical abilities in the course of evolution. In a way, it has always been there and will probably always be, Maybe even beyond the existence of humanity. It strengthens us, it connects us and it is everywhere

In a famous song that's simply called music, John Miles sings:

Music was my first love

And it'll be my last

Music of the future

And music of the past.

To live without my music

Would be impossible to do

In this world of troubles

my music pulls me through.

music doesn’t solve my problems with expressing feelings. It still feels wrong to openly talk about them and telling people that I love and appreciate them is very hard for me, but music helps. When I sit at the piano and play, the notes come to life and my emotional ball of wool

unravels. I can’t say what’s going on inside me, I can’t put it into words, but I can play it. I give playing the piano 4 stars



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